When I was a kid I was told I was going to be gay. Why? Because I walked on my toes, had a stuttering issue and chose to be friends with the girls in my class (as opposed to boys.) I guess looking back now I’ve always had more of a connection with sensitivity and empathy as opposed to the masculinity boys/men are supposed to have. I grew up playing baseball and was in a band but could most of the time care less about sports.
In my twenties, I enjoyed watching the NFL and occasionally going to an MLB game not because I really cared about the sport but more so because of the experience. Over the past several years I haven’t actively watched sports games other than the big Super Bowl or World Series. To be honest I care more about the food and drinks and family than I do about the game. I used to wonder why I didn’t tend to connect well with the men in my life then I discovered myself at age 30 with two girls and a wife that didn’t need me to be a “MAN” they needed me to be their dad, father, husband. They needed me to a human that they could connect with, tell a story to, share a hug with, someone who could and would communicate love and caring for them. This to me is what it means to be not just a man but also a positive influence in their world.
This is what is missing in our children’s lives today, a connection; it’s not the only thing but a big part. The chance for them to connect and be who they want to be and express what they want to express, without negative criticism from others is important. Sometimes their ideas or feelings come out before they are entirely ready like an egg waiting to hatch and it takes others points of view to allow it to come into clarity. We as parents and community leaders should be there for that clarity. There is a difference however between constructive criticism and negativity.
When I was younger, I received my fair share of verbal abuse some of which I continue to battle with every day. Somewhere between the “gay” comments and the “are you stupid?” arose a burning desire to care for others, which I entirely appreciate. In life, it’s almost as if we learn more from others about what not to do as opposed to what we should do. Since I’m not a psychologist or therapist I have no clue on why we do what we do but based on our past experiences. When it comes to this subject I can only state what I went through. Because of this, we choose to raise our children with constructive words and lessons as best as possible. We are not perfect and do falter some days but we also know everyone does. That is the part about being human, forgiveness and loving others, as long as you continue to love and spread your light and inner genius the universe has a way of working itself out.
I met Ashanti last year and he is one impressive dude. If you have children or work with them take some time to watch this movie, it will give you some perspectives on students and children today. The Mask You Live In
Since my purpose in life is to positively affect a billion people, while helping them achieve their goals. I am giving you my top 5 things I do everyday to stay motivated:
Remove the negative. That’s people, places and things. I hear it all the time, I am stuck in my day being around negative people, how do I get them to change their ways? Well first off you won’t ever be able to change them. You must change yourself and be positive. They will either see it for themselves or they will no longer be in your life. Period. That is just how it goes.
Don’t let others -negatives- drain you of your positive vibes.
I state what my purpose is several times a day out loud. Literally. Words are words unless stated out loud and written down. Once you put it out there, we begin to manifest our true intentions for being here. Calm your inner space to allow your purpose to find you.
I take a moment for myself everyday. Whether it’s meditation, listening to a song I have stuck in my head, or a place I want to go. I take a moment for myself without any distractions. I become fully focused and consumed by that one thing and I go at it full heartedly. Cellphone off, conversations away and just focus on that one thing. It’s funny while I do it, time stops and nothing else matters but that one thing for myself.
I have discussions with other people that are motivated. People from my inner circle, my digital family tree, who I know think similar to myself (but also very different) in the positive and motivating way. This is an important step to staying motivated to achieve your goals.
Last but not least….Number 5:
I constantly read and learn. Sometimes it’s a book a week, other times it’s a chapter a day. Whatever it is, I am always learning and growing my mindset to be prepared for when I reach the next level of my life.
That’s it. There are 5. There are other things I do everyday to keep me motivated but these are the top 5. If you would like to know more. Feel free to give me a call and we can chat more about setting a time for your official “Goal Call.” Which is a 28 minute phone call or video call to assist you in achieving your goals in life. Cheers and make it a great moment!
PS: If you’re looking to change your life right now…sign up here to receive access to an accountability coach for three months free. Literally it’s free for three months. No catch. Well I guess the only catch is when you do sign up, your life and thinking will change, so say goodbye to the old you.
Want to find out more about what I have been up to check out the following links:
It’s been a wild week of work and play. As we speak looking at the 4th quarter of 2016 we are running almost around the clock at 7 days a week. Thanks for taking the time to catch up on our conversation….Enjoy!……….
Keven: When do you get time to educate yourself Teri?
Teri: Ha Ha…I wait until the kids are in school. I feel like with the kids, the weekend goes so fast then it’s Monday! I guess I am learning from others as well. I have time to read websites and article though.
Keven: Do you use Facebook as a way to educate yourself?
Teri: Yeah. Sometimes. I can read an article or share it. Therapy is one of those services that we have to be entirely open to listening. I can come to the table with everything but that doesn’t mean the things I have will help my client. I sell a service of self-care and a non-judgmental ear to bounce off ideas, throw in opinions or researching about what they’re going through.
Keven: Connecting the dots?
Teri: Yeah whatever those dots might be. Sometimes we are building what is happening as they are saying it and as we are going through it. We have to get into the elevator shaft with them and figure out how far they can go? Are we going to low with things? We never know really so we have to calibrate that as well. We have to be cautiously aware and always connect with the client and the client has to connect with us as well. You can generally tell if, you pay attention, if the person you are speaking to wants to go there.
Keven: How much of your clients communication is non-verbal?
Teri: 50% of the room is nonverbal. That is why Skype is hard. I can’t see their body it’s not ideal. Fist quenching or quivering. Sadness comes up as they are saying something but their body is saying some thing else. Like they may not be realizing they just made a fist when they are talking about their parents. That’s important during communication to watch that with others.
Keven: What are your thoughts on ideas and what it can do like a seed? How do you try to leave the client?
Teri: Any minute in the session if we plant an idea or a seed I trust that it is just going to sit there. I usually don’t revisit it unless there is something really fruitful there. They may not be ready for it. The mind is a powerful thing and they will take it where they want it. We always want them to walk away and leave feeling comfortable. Feeling like they are O.K. That is important for anyone to do that even outside of therapy.
We need to make sure we are zipped up so we don’t immediately show the world where we are most vulnerable.
Keven: So what you are saying is, we have our normal lives, we do our normal things but yet when there are clients that go see a therapist it’s important for them to “zip up” and have some closure?
Teri: Yeah it’s important whether it’s in therapy or not. Like if you are having a fight with your significant other and then you have to “zip it up” to go get the kids from school, it’s the same thing. We have to learn how to not be in denial, not forget about it, but know that we can hold that somewhere and still keep doing life.
Keven: Without there being closure to it?
Teri: Yeah! Right! Then come back to it. So it’s not sweeping it under the rug, it’s not saying “oh we forgot about that.” If that is happening then someone has to be the one that pulls this back out and says “Hey we need to get some closure here, lets talk.”
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 3 of 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about Social Platforms and Technology.
Often times in life we become severely imbalanced with our significant other. Whether that is in the relationship or the current professions, raising the children or having friends. Whatever the situation, know that it takes work to stay connected and not feel disjointed.
You both may not see it as this way and it may take some quiet conversation to combine your love together to make it work. Either way, understand if you don’t pay attention there will be a falling out cause and effect. I believe the same story can be told with almost all things in life. #ideatolaunchin366days
Why do we resist therapy? Well… Some of us think we can figure it out on our own, when life gets tough and messy. We go to school for years and prepare ourselves for a job with math, science, history, art, and composition but rarely get the chance to prepare our minds for life. We look towards our parents, friends and family for guidance but never really listen to their input. So we tend to stay in our heads and listen to our inner voices that tell us things like “we are not good enough.” It compares us to others. Our inner voice can bring out all of our fears, which prevents us from moving forward.
I saw a therapist a couple years ago because I was “stuck.” It was one of the best things I have ever done for my family and me. Seeing her allowed me to release the pressure in my head and get a better understanding of why I was “stuck.” It was all due to the love that I had for others which was preventing me from following my passion and living the life that I was being called to live. My therapist helped me release my fear and get a better understanding of whom I was. The following is part 1 of 3 and was pulled from a conversation that I recently had with a friend who is a local certified therapist named Teri Sorkin M.A., MFT. Her private practice located in Livermore Ca. is counseling for children, Teens, Individuals & Families. On the home page of her website it clearly state’s “Life Is A Journey!” and she is exactly right! In her words:
“As a Therapist my job is to give clients a safe, empathetic, non-judgmental, and compassionate space to discuss concerns pertaining to relationships, work, yourself or just this crazy thing we call life. Everyone deserves to uncover his or her ultimate potential and live a meaningful life. Unfortunately, life can become busy, exhausting, confusing and at times even daunting. Therapy allows you to carve out a small, but significant, amount of time to breathe, speak openly to an unbiased person, and work towards positive solutions.
While we cannot change the past, we can seek to better understand and resolve current challenges. Through observations, insight and techniques, I help bring awareness to behavior patterns or negative perceptions that most likely are holding you back from having the life you want to create.Enjoying the moments in life is a wonderful thing!”
Enjoy the adventure into our conversation:
Session 1 of 3 The Talk:
Keven: Teri, why do you believe there is such a negative stigma about therapy?
Teri: I think there is a stigma because people associate therapy with “you’re crazy” I think media has an effect with it. People say “I go see a therapist or I go see a shrink”…that’s like the code word. A shrink technically is a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. So that is the difference from being prescribed and on medication and seeing a therapist. A therapist is a counselor; there are different types of counselors and therapist. Then there are psychologists who can do talk therapy and are generally more educated in research. They can do psychological testing and test for disorders and they are also doctors. Psychiatrist or only medication, alot of people get this confused. That I think is it. We need to do a better job educating what the differences are. The other end of the issue is that when people go in for a 50-minute therapy session they have some other concept that it is. They are just uncomfortable with the unknown.
Keven: I have always looked at it as there is a speed bump in the way and when you go see a therapist they help remove the speed bump for us.
Teri: Yeah exactly “we are there to listen.” Clients come in with this stigma and they feel terrible about it, But once they spend some time they get comfortable and realize how productive it is.
Keven: So going in for one session can be a learning experience for them?
Teri: Yeah totally. Once most clients sit in the room, the majority of the clients realize what it is and then say, “I want to book again.” We are there to be non judgmental who are an open eared third party to work with them during their journey and discovery.
Keven: When is the best time for someone to seek a therapist?
Teri: I am pro therapy so I feel that anyone can go for any reason. It could be a really big problem with a really big speed bump, or it could be a fork in the road, or it could be life is just a little stressful. It could be becoming a new parent, becoming a newly wed; there are so many reasons for seeing a therapist. Something that everyone needs to know and question is; is life going smooth and I’ve got this? Or do I just need that little assistance on the side? Am I using alcohol as a crutch? Am I getting self-care at all? Do I feel like I’m drowning? Do I feel like I’m treading water? I think if anyone of those questions is being asked or the answers to those questions are of concern or unknown then they should see a therapist.
Keven: I have to be honest…I think everyone of us has something we can see a therapist about. I actually feel that we should be seeing therapist as often as we see a dentist…. no even more than we see a dentist. Like this should be a bi weekly or monthly thing. Can you imagine how awesome we would be if we did that? This is preventative maintenance.
Teri: Yeah it’s a check in for you. Just give yourself that one-hour to reboot your mind. One hour to think on your own out loud. It doesn’t have to be about depression, or anxiety or suicide. It can just be about, I can’t figure out this idea, or my kids are stressing me so much I feel like I’m a bad a parent.
I would say 99% of people who have a session would go “Whoa, that totally worked. Look what came out of me!”
I’m biased of therapy of course but I am confident that this would help. That question is usually what is asked during couples therapy. Couples ask when is a good time to see a therapist? The answer: when it is maintenance. It’s a date thing. A difficult time is when someone is already out the door. The best time is when they are seeing or feeling something is off or different. When you’re out the door it’s a lot harder to bring someone back in at that point.
Keven: Did you just suggest a date night with therapy, instead of going to the wine bar?
Teri: Yes I did. There are a lot of couples I know that do that.
Keven: How has therapy evolved and changed throughout the years to handle what some may see as new age issue?
Teri: There is constantly new research and therapy being developed. We find code words that continue to come up like mindfulness and such but one consistent thing is always a “therapeutic relationship” This goes way back. There is more research now on LGBT and such. However the therapeutic aspect has generally stayed the same. We are becoming more open minded about all types of people, things and processes. There is acceptance and commitment therapy, which is new, and some other misc. ones. The bases haven’t change but there are other ways to use them.
It’s most important to know that therapy only works if you are comfortable with whom you sit across from. If a client comes in and is not comfortable with me then it’s not going to work. If there are those that have gone to see a therapist and didn’t like the situation because of some disconnect then I want them to try someone different. Even if they are my clients if they don’t get along with me then I want them to find another therapist because it takes two to make this work.
“It’s not about us, it’s about the client and making sure they feel right about the relationship we are building together.”
To Be Continued……
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 2 and 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about education, social platforms, connecting the dots of life and self-confidence/self awareness with technology.
This life is sometimes cruel. Yesterday was one of those days that set us back a moment. We try our hardest to work through the tough times and hard pressed mindset that drag us into darkness, however sometimes the waves just keep crashing.
Don’t be too hard on yourself it’s lifes’ way of making you stronger.
Sometimes life……. Well sometimes life is just cruel. Today my heart aches for the mother who has just lost a child, my heart aches for the children who no longer have a father who was in this life to serve and protect. My heart aches for a senseless murder of a woman whom I’ve never met; the one with the beautiful smile, my heart aches for a life given up too soon.
How do we find the strength to turn life back on? To start the day and proceed with a heavy heart but a healthy mind? How? We hug, love, appreciate, enjoy, take our time, gather, grieve, listen, speak, write and stay curious about the things in life that give us hope for safety, comfort and peace. Please listen when I and others around you say to live. We mean it. Live life like you have never done before. Live it with respect, live it with joy and live it with all your insecurities behind you because in the end there is you and those that love you. If you spend your life caring about those that don’t you will surely miss out on those that do. #youbetterbeliving
Often times I feel like we are in a race. A race against ourselves, a race against time a race against life, a race to raise our children and a race to spend the rest of our lives together always looking at the next phase or the next step and goal.
Every time I feel this way I take a moment to do some introspective thinking. We get together and I ask jenny, how did this happen? How are we here? Are we doing the right thing? Are we going the right direction? Are we screwing up our girls?
The answer sometimes is an easy no this is wrong. We say no with confidence and so we make a change. The yes is where I get concerned. When yes is too easy and confident I have to wonder if our thinking about a situation is too linear. I go into risk mitigation mode.
What could happen? I would love to say we are the only ones that go through the feelings but I know we are not. We often times have conversation with others about how crazy life is and how we are at a new adventure and we don’t know really what’s going to happen. Do we zig right or zag left? Do we take that job or not? Do we just succumb to the end or fight to continue?
What you must remember is none of life has an easy answer. This is all new. There is no way for you to be living and it not be a new day everyday. A new situation, a new problem, a new answer. That’s a part of life. That’s why I think it often times feels like a race because no matter how much you want something to stop, it doesn’t, it can’t and it won’t. So we find ways to adapt to them. We have the ability to change their positions slightly but mostly it’s adaption to our new scenarios.
What we have learned is ……..that’s ok. We want you to know, it is ok. Making the wrong choice is ok. Making the right choice is ok and letting faith choose is ok as well. Either way don’t let the choice freeze you in your tracks while the rest of life passes you by. Don’t let the choice paralyze you and keep you from spending valuable pressure time with your kids. Just do it and see where you end up it won’t be that bad. We promise. -K
Those of you that know me are well aware that my mind often travels in places that are quite difficult to envision. I am told I have lofty goals (as well as an occasional…“your crazy.”) I must say after being given this book by a dear friend who so graciously told me with confidence “This is a book for you.” I could not possibly show how excited I was to dive into the pages that awaited me. I’m forever grateful I did.
This book was amazing. It highlighted and described the intense moments that NASA and its astronauts/cosmonauts had while racing to the moon. Some of you may have lived through this great time in human exploration and remember seeing it all play out right in front of your eyes. (How jealous am I.) Actually only a little, as I believe we are living through a very similar time. Exploration amongst the “risk takers” is at a new height.
With exploring we are living the days of our parents and grandparents. Yes times are different but look around us, look at the companies, businesses and ideas that are being tended to much like a gardener planting the seed. We are living and waking up everyday in a world that is pushing faster and harder to break new grounds. Between technology, space exploration, new financial discoveries, new breaks in mind growth and even new fusions of thought process, we should be ecstatic and waking up every day to capture our dream or at least chase it while envisioning our fullest potentials.
Keep in mind Moonshot is not for all to read, as it is based more in space travel and intense moments of fear/bravery but has a striking similarity to the business unknown. You see, to survive you have to be a master of your craft while surrounding yourself with others that are better than you. To survive you must listen to yourself before you listen to anyone else, because, You only have the real vision of what you want for yourself, all while staying open and learning from others as well as your failures. I leave you with my favorite quote from the book “Earth is the cradle of mind, but one cannot live in the cradle forever.” Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky
The 5 lessons I learned while waiting for my daughter for 30 min in a Disneyland bathroom.
Lesson 1: if she’s not ready to get off the pot. She’s not going anywhere…..really she’s not moving.
Lesson 2: you can’t really entice her out of the bathroom unless she has something better to go to……find a better destination.
Lesson 3: distractions are a curse to your sale of getting her out……..don’t let them go in with anything in their hands….ie. BALLOONS.
Lesson 4: when she goes silent, that’s not a good thing at all because you now have to up the anti for negotiation tactics…….silence will cost you.
Lesson 5: ask “is there anything that I can do for you to have you get moving?” Even when her answer is “yes, look for a little sink so I can wash my hands”…..if there isn’t one build one asap.
I actually learned more than 5 but am too frustrated to write any longer. Respectfully signed Waiting Dad.