Thank you for being part of this exciting new pilot that HOS is offering to invest in its members’ personal and professional development! We are teaming up with an innovative coaching company, Ama La Vida, to provide you with tools, resources and inspiration to be constantly improving yourself as a professional, entrepreneur and, well, person. The pilot will last 3 months – here’s how it works:
Click here to start your free 3 month trial. Just simply add the membership to your cart and check out. Don’t worry! You can cancel at any time, before or after the 3 months
Get started on improving yourself and your life! Each month Ama La Vida has a theme, and the eCoaching tools and resources support that theme. This month is all about the gift of gratitude. This November tool will help you understand gratitude’s impact on your happiness and well-being, and you will go through a process of identifying and expressing gratitude in your life.
Once you sign up for the membership, start the Gratitude Tool of the Month here (this can also be found at any time in your dashboard on the top right side of the screen once you log in)
You will be paired up with an accountability partner to keep you on track. Sometimes you know what’s good for you (like going to the gym), but you need someone to make sure you do it (like a gym buddy). You and your partner will keep each other accountable for making those changes in your life that you know are good for you.
Why do we resist therapy? Well… Some of us think we can figure it out on our own, when life gets tough and messy. We go to school for years and prepare ourselves for a job with math, science, history, art, and composition but rarely get the chance to prepare our minds for life. We look towards our parents, friends and family for guidance but never really listen to their input. So we tend to stay in our heads and listen to our inner voices that tell us things like “we are not good enough.” It compares us to others. Our inner voice can bring out all of our fears, which prevents us from moving forward.
I saw a therapist a couple years ago because I was “stuck.” It was one of the best things I have ever done for my family and me. Seeing her allowed me to release the pressure in my head and get a better understanding of why I was “stuck.” It was all due to the love that I had for others which was preventing me from following my passion and living the life that I was being called to live. My therapist helped me release my fear and get a better understanding of whom I was. The following is part 1 of 3 and was pulled from a conversation that I recently had with a friend who is a local certified therapist named Teri Sorkin M.A., MFT. Her private practice located in Livermore Ca. is counseling for children, Teens, Individuals & Families. On the home page of her website it clearly state’s “Life Is A Journey!” and she is exactly right! In her words:
“As a Therapist my job is to give clients a safe, empathetic, non-judgmental, and compassionate space to discuss concerns pertaining to relationships, work, yourself or just this crazy thing we call life. Everyone deserves to uncover his or her ultimate potential and live a meaningful life. Unfortunately, life can become busy, exhausting, confusing and at times even daunting. Therapy allows you to carve out a small, but significant, amount of time to breathe, speak openly to an unbiased person, and work towards positive solutions.
While we cannot change the past, we can seek to better understand and resolve current challenges. Through observations, insight and techniques, I help bring awareness to behavior patterns or negative perceptions that most likely are holding you back from having the life you want to create.Enjoying the moments in life is a wonderful thing!”
Enjoy the adventure into our conversation:
Session 1 of 3 The Talk:
Keven: Teri, why do you believe there is such a negative stigma about therapy?
Teri: I think there is a stigma because people associate therapy with “you’re crazy” I think media has an effect with it. People say “I go see a therapist or I go see a shrink”…that’s like the code word. A shrink technically is a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. So that is the difference from being prescribed and on medication and seeing a therapist. A therapist is a counselor; there are different types of counselors and therapist. Then there are psychologists who can do talk therapy and are generally more educated in research. They can do psychological testing and test for disorders and they are also doctors. Psychiatrist or only medication, alot of people get this confused. That I think is it. We need to do a better job educating what the differences are. The other end of the issue is that when people go in for a 50-minute therapy session they have some other concept that it is. They are just uncomfortable with the unknown.
Keven: I have always looked at it as there is a speed bump in the way and when you go see a therapist they help remove the speed bump for us.
Teri: Yeah exactly “we are there to listen.” Clients come in with this stigma and they feel terrible about it, But once they spend some time they get comfortable and realize how productive it is.
Keven: So going in for one session can be a learning experience for them?
Teri: Yeah totally. Once most clients sit in the room, the majority of the clients realize what it is and then say, “I want to book again.” We are there to be non judgmental who are an open eared third party to work with them during their journey and discovery.
Keven: When is the best time for someone to seek a therapist?
Teri: I am pro therapy so I feel that anyone can go for any reason. It could be a really big problem with a really big speed bump, or it could be a fork in the road, or it could be life is just a little stressful. It could be becoming a new parent, becoming a newly wed; there are so many reasons for seeing a therapist. Something that everyone needs to know and question is; is life going smooth and I’ve got this? Or do I just need that little assistance on the side? Am I using alcohol as a crutch? Am I getting self-care at all? Do I feel like I’m drowning? Do I feel like I’m treading water? I think if anyone of those questions is being asked or the answers to those questions are of concern or unknown then they should see a therapist.
Keven: I have to be honest…I think everyone of us has something we can see a therapist about. I actually feel that we should be seeing therapist as often as we see a dentist…. no even more than we see a dentist. Like this should be a bi weekly or monthly thing. Can you imagine how awesome we would be if we did that? This is preventative maintenance.
Teri: Yeah it’s a check in for you. Just give yourself that one-hour to reboot your mind. One hour to think on your own out loud. It doesn’t have to be about depression, or anxiety or suicide. It can just be about, I can’t figure out this idea, or my kids are stressing me so much I feel like I’m a bad a parent.
I would say 99% of people who have a session would go “Whoa, that totally worked. Look what came out of me!”
I’m biased of therapy of course but I am confident that this would help. That question is usually what is asked during couples therapy. Couples ask when is a good time to see a therapist? The answer: when it is maintenance. It’s a date thing. A difficult time is when someone is already out the door. The best time is when they are seeing or feeling something is off or different. When you’re out the door it’s a lot harder to bring someone back in at that point.
Keven: Did you just suggest a date night with therapy, instead of going to the wine bar?
Teri: Yes I did. There are a lot of couples I know that do that.
Keven: How has therapy evolved and changed throughout the years to handle what some may see as new age issue?
Teri: There is constantly new research and therapy being developed. We find code words that continue to come up like mindfulness and such but one consistent thing is always a “therapeutic relationship” This goes way back. There is more research now on LGBT and such. However the therapeutic aspect has generally stayed the same. We are becoming more open minded about all types of people, things and processes. There is acceptance and commitment therapy, which is new, and some other misc. ones. The bases haven’t change but there are other ways to use them.
It’s most important to know that therapy only works if you are comfortable with whom you sit across from. If a client comes in and is not comfortable with me then it’s not going to work. If there are those that have gone to see a therapist and didn’t like the situation because of some disconnect then I want them to try someone different. Even if they are my clients if they don’t get along with me then I want them to find another therapist because it takes two to make this work.
“It’s not about us, it’s about the client and making sure they feel right about the relationship we are building together.”
To Be Continued……
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 2 and 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about education, social platforms, connecting the dots of life and self-confidence/self awareness with technology.
Moonshot Thinking with your life………. What is it that you want to do that you haven’t yet? Why haven’t you done it? Fear? Procrastination? No time? Don’t know where to start? ….don’t want to be wrong?..pick your poison…..I call it poison because each reason that prevents you from doing what you really want to do in life or what you must do in life…..is exactly that….poison…it kills your dreams and goals….it keeps you stagnant …..and mind trapped…….
I want you to face your fears….reach for your goals and create them…..this life and all its awesomeness……has very little care about your idea and what you want…..however I believe you can force it to listen…..you can force it to pay attention….and you can force it to….say….”Where the heck did this person come from?”
That to me is awesome and inspiring…
With one of our goals we have been executing a ton on this process of moonshot thinking…..at first it scared the crap out of us…but now that we are fully encompassed in it…….our goals keep getting bigger and bigger….and a big secret……we actually are achieving them…..it’s weird…..did you know when you set a goal….plan the attack, start taking steps toward the goal…..you actually get somewhere?
That’s called execution…..
Crazy right? We know…..we think it’s insane too! Here’s some food for thought…….you have a goal or dream of doing something in your lifetime that can change things, move something and assist a large amount of other people in this world…….today you have the opportunity to watch Netflix all day…..or……..start your moonshot………well……..which is it? #youbetterbeliving #hosbusinesscenter #electrifytheyoung #ideatolaunchin366days #moonshot
Live streaming is currently more a marketing tool for business however with a little bit of focus, knowledge and inspiration, it is entirely safe to say it is only a matter of time until live streaming is at every board meeting, site walk, project review, and business conference room. Why? Once again why would you not? Many of us have been to the board meeting where all homeowners are requested to be there, board members and managers must attend as well and the vendors when needed. We all schedule the time; fight the traffic, (generally after work) and what happens?
Very small numbers of people show. How frustrating! For most it’s the worst. However in business… we take it with a grain of salt and understand why they can’t make it. So imagine when you will be able to easily set up a live stream broadcast from your cellphone with in seconds….not minutes….seconds and homeowners, clients and vendors that cannot make the meeting in person can interact with everyone on one video, audio and messaging platform. This is priceless and for that it changes the business world forever.
one more thing….you no longer have to imagine it….its here.
It’s that time again! You are overloaded with work and the daily tasks of running your business are bogging you down. Just when you thought you had it all figured out you look down at your list and say, “Whom am I going to have run this work? When I look at my work force everybody in the company is busy with their own task. How am I going to get this done? I guess I’ll have to hire someone?”
Ah ha! Hiring! What fun! You start to think do I really want to write up a job position and post a “now hiring” ad to receive several resumes to sift through maybe get a couple ok candidates for the position, spend endless hours interviewing and maybe find someone able to do the job? No.
Ah ha! I’ll ask my business professionals, friends, families and Social Media…What? That didn’t work either? Ok. Who can I bring up from within my organization? Oh, no one is prepared to step up because we never trained and prepared for this to happen. Darn, maybe I’ll just hire from outside?
And the vicious cycle of hiring for your business starts all over again.
Does this sound like the conversation in your head? In the past it has in mine. Now the real question is how do you break the cycle? I believe training and the overused word “innovation”. Lets start with training.
Over the years I have seen the best fit is the employee that moves up through the ranks in your company. They have spent years getting on the job training working under and/or for you the owner. That’s how you built your company so that is the best the employee to give a promotion to right? Well maybe.
Before you promote this employee you first should look at what position they hold and who you will have to hire for that new spot, then look at if they have the right tools to handle the new position, after all they may be the best employee and next in line to promote but if there is no one trained in their position to take care of the front line that could give you an even bigger problem.
Next I would look at if they even want the promotion, some don’t. Some are happy with where they’re at and don’t want the headache of working with the boss. (As much as you think you’re the best person to work with…you may not be.)
Finally I would consider one of your employees below the “next in line”. What you ask? Hire someone who is below my “next in line employee?” Yes. If you’re really serious about building your company, you should consider all your employees. From the 15-year employee all the way down to the newest one.
After all they all have special skill sets that may benefit your company best at this particular time. You need to:
Assess the position you are hiring for
Interview all in the company that are interested
Promote the one that best fits
Then for everyone else create a clear and well defined career path
Don’t be afraid to let the other employees that didn’t get chosen know they are important to the company and though they didn’t get promoted today they are on a path to see a promotion in the future.
So what does this mean? When you are trying to get your tasks completed you need to look at the tasks and workload themselves. Are they necessary? Do you really need to hire someone? Is there another way to get it done? You see often times the tasks and jobs we have on our list seem important because we have them on the list to do.
So they must be important right? I wouldn’t ever do something that is not very important and try to pass it off to someone else to get it done… right? Wrong again my friends. We do it all the time. We all have things on the task list that we feel are super important to the company and customer when they really are not.
For this I say innovate first before hiring or promoting:
Review your workload often and see if there are ways to cut down the list
Get them done quicker
Create ways to complete them on your own
Then when you have cut it down as much as possible have all your employees review their tasks and workload and see if they can downsize or stream line.
That may clear up enough time collectively to get it done. If not then you at least know exactly who you have to hire and/or promote, I’m willing to bet when you do this you will see that you were never really ready to hire in the first place. Now that you have reviewed the workload across the board, you are ready to find the new hire or promote the employee you actually need.
This problem was poised to me by a subcontractor and after much verbal conversation with the issue I decided to chalk it over to a GC for their point of view. Since I have been on both sides of the issue I can understand where things can get misconstrued or look as if there is something different going on behind the scene. Here it is:
Subcontractor perspective and point of view:
“General Contractors have changed over the years. It used to be that as a subcontractor you built a very close relationship between general contractors and subs. The General Contractor always stood up for their subcontractors, scheduled jobs so that they could be productively finished by subcontractors and genuinely care that the subs made a profit.
With clients now so focused on the bottom line cost of the project they will only accept bids at the lowest price. This caused the GC to search and accept numbers from any sub that would give them the number. Then we notice during production the demands to work are not productive for subs and the workmanship suffers. When the project starts going array, the GC blames the subs and pushes them out.
Relationships are gone.
It is a lot worst than just that but this is really frustrating me. To the point I am close to saying that I will not work for General Contractors any more. No support.”
General Contractor perspective and point of view:
“It seems like it was just yesterday that my wife and I vowed that we would be there for each other no matter what may happen. We weren’t thinking about where we would be in 20 years or how our time together would change us forever. Celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary last year brought forward memories of good times and not so good times, triumphs and tragedies along with many experiences that have shaped us as a couple, as well as individually. Thinking about the things that have afforded our relationship such a long and rewarding existence, I keep coming back to the thought that an open line of communication has been the most beneficial way to ensure a healthy relationship. Communication is the most fundamental element of any relationship, whether they are personal or professional.
Any construction project requires parties to communicate effectively in order to produce the desired results, a successful completion of the project. Each party however may have different ideas about what a successful project means to them. It is critical that at the earliest possible moment, each party expresses their needs and desires in a full and complete way.
I see many multi-million dollar bids from sub-contractors written on a single page containing 20 or so words. How can a General Contractor get comfortable with a sub bid when it only confirms that the bid includes ‘Plans & Specs’, or bids that come with dozens of pages of reference material but does not succinctly communicate what the intent of the bid is or what it includes?
I believe the best relationships are built on an understanding of what each party is going to provide, how they are going to do it but more importantly what expectations of the opposite party they may have. This requires a sub to ask questions during the bid process. When they don’t, the GC should follow up to find out why they aren’t asking. Is it that they are 100% in tune with the scope? Have they done similar projects and feel confident enough that they don’t have to talk to the GC about their work plan? Maybe the sub feels nervous about explaining their plan out of fear that the GC will share the information with another subcontractor. These are real thoughts and fears that I hear from subcontractors I have worked with in the past. It is unreasonable to think that a successful relationship will happen without hard work and effort from both sides.
The best possible outcome always results from the best effort. Some of the things that contribute to a best effort include:
Attend any pre-bid inspections. This should be the main estimator for the bid and not someone who is just available or who can ‘cover’ the appointment. Many of the most important issues or requirements or expectations for the project are discussed at these meetings. These are requirements that are not usually included in the written documents and are typically the issues that affect productivity and cause relationships to sour over the course of a project.
Ask Questions. Ask allot of them, and don’t think that any of them are stupid or insignificant. If anything, it shows me that you care as much as I do about the project and our success.
Follow up your bid with a call asking about the results. Sometimes a GC can’t release results because the prime Contract has not been awarded or there are some negotiations going on in the background, but It always amazes me that only about one in ten subs call to see how their bid looked against the competition, or if the GC had any questions about the proposal.
On the GC’s end, visit your projects and talk to the subs about how their project is going. How does it compare to what they envisioned when the bid was formulated. What things can I or my Team do to make the project run smoother and more efficiently. What makes a successful project for the GC is almost always the same for the Sub.
Get to know each other on a more personal level. I know, some say keep your relationships professional, but in the end we are all human beings who need to feel like they matter. Asking a simple question about how their day is going may allow for a better understanding of each other’s personal experience and what the other person may be carrying that day.
Computer technology has dramatically changed how we interact both in a personal and professional way. Mobile devices are now an invaluable part of the construction process and look to be more and more the most often used tool in the bag. It is important though, to recognize that ultimately human beings do the work and no level of technology can replace that one on one interaction. If you can find the time to sit down to talk to each other for a few minutes, it may be the most productive few minutes you spend all year.”
After receiving and reading both points I am to the understanding that relationships are hard. They are difficult both in our personal and professional lives. For a relationship to work, we have to work at it, both parties. When there is a breakdown, we have to confront it head on and correct it or decide that the relationship needs to dissolve, as there is no repair. I’d like to hear your thoughts.
Those of you that know me are well aware that my mind often travels in places that are quite difficult to envision. I am told I have lofty goals (as well as an occasional…“your crazy.”) I must say after being given this book by a dear friend who so graciously told me with confidence “This is a book for you.” I could not possibly show how excited I was to dive into the pages that awaited me. I’m forever grateful I did.
This book was amazing. It highlighted and described the intense moments that NASA and its astronauts/cosmonauts had while racing to the moon. Some of you may have lived through this great time in human exploration and remember seeing it all play out right in front of your eyes. (How jealous am I.) Actually only a little, as I believe we are living through a very similar time. Exploration amongst the “risk takers” is at a new height.
With exploring we are living the days of our parents and grandparents. Yes times are different but look around us, look at the companies, businesses and ideas that are being tended to much like a gardener planting the seed. We are living and waking up everyday in a world that is pushing faster and harder to break new grounds. Between technology, space exploration, new financial discoveries, new breaks in mind growth and even new fusions of thought process, we should be ecstatic and waking up every day to capture our dream or at least chase it while envisioning our fullest potentials.
Keep in mind Moonshot is not for all to read, as it is based more in space travel and intense moments of fear/bravery but has a striking similarity to the business unknown. You see, to survive you have to be a master of your craft while surrounding yourself with others that are better than you. To survive you must listen to yourself before you listen to anyone else, because, You only have the real vision of what you want for yourself, all while staying open and learning from others as well as your failures. I leave you with my favorite quote from the book “Earth is the cradle of mind, but one cannot live in the cradle forever.” Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky