The Pressure Our Children Feel

When I was a kid I was told I was going to be gay. Why? Because I walked on my toes, had a stuttering issue and chose to be friends with the girls in my class (as opposed to boys.) I guess looking back now I’ve always had more of a connection with sensitivity and empathy as opposed to the masculinity boys/men are supposed to have. I grew up playing baseball and was in a band but could most of the time care less about sports.

In my twenties, I enjoyed watching the NFL and occasionally going to an MLB game not because I really cared about the sport but more so because of the experience. Over the past several years I haven’t actively watched sports games other than the big Super Bowl or World Series. To be honest I care more about the food and drinks and family than I do about the game. I used to wonder why I didn’t tend to connect well with the men in my life then I discovered myself at age 30 with two girls and a wife that didn’t need me to be a “MAN” they needed me to be their dad, father, husband. They needed me to a human that they could connect with, tell a story to, share a hug with, someone who could and would communicate love and caring for them. This to me is what it means to be not just a man but also a positive influence in their world.

This is what is missing in our children’s lives today, a connection; it’s not the only thing but a big part. The chance for them to connect and be who they want to be and express what they want to express, without negative criticism from others is important. Sometimes their ideas or feelings come out before they are entirely ready like an egg waiting to hatch and it takes others points of view to allow it to come into clarity. We as parents and community leaders should be there for that clarity. There is a difference however between constructive criticism and negativity.

When I was younger, I received my fair share of verbal abuse some of which I continue to battle with every day. Somewhere between the “gay” comments and the “are you stupid?” arose a burning desire to care for others, which I entirely appreciate. In life, it’s almost as if we learn more from others about what not to do as opposed to what we should do. Since I’m not a psychologist or therapist I have no clue on why we do what we do but based on our past experiences. When it comes to this subject I can only state what I went through. Because of this, we choose to raise our children with constructive words and lessons as best as possible. We are not perfect and do falter some days but we also know everyone does. That is the part about being human, forgiveness and loving others, as long as you continue to love and spread your light and inner genius the universe has a way of working itself out.

I met Ashanti last year and he is one impressive dude. If you have children or work with them take some time to watch this movie, it will give you some perspectives on students and children today. The Mask You Live In

Girls: We love you. Mom and dad. #DigitalLegacy

Why Do We Resist Therapy? Session 2 of 3

It’s been a wild week of work and play. As we speak looking at the 4th quarter of 2016 we are running almost around the clock at 7 days a week. Thanks for taking the time to catch up on our conversation….Enjoy!……….

Keven: When do you get time to educate yourself Teri?

Teri: Ha Ha…I wait until the kids are in school. I feel like with the kids, the weekend goes so fast then it’s Monday! I guess I am learning from others as well. I have time to read websites and article though.

 Keven: Do you use Facebook as a way to educate yourself?

Teri: Yeah. Sometimes. I can read an article or share it. Therapy is one of those services that we have to be entirely open to listening. I can come to the table with everything but that doesn’t mean the things I have will help my client. I sell a service of self-care and a non-judgmental ear to bounce off ideas, throw in opinions or researching about what they’re going through.

 Keven: Connecting the dots?

Teri: Yeah whatever those dots might be. Sometimes we are building what is happening as they are saying it and as we are going through it. We have to get into the elevator shaft with them and figure out how far they can go? Are we going to low with things? We never know really so we have to calibrate that as well. We have to be cautiously aware and always connect with the client and the client has to connect with us as well. You can generally tell if, you pay attention, if the person you are speaking to wants to go there.

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Keven: How much of your clients communication is non-verbal?

Teri: 50% of the room is nonverbal. That is why Skype is hard. I can’t see their body it’s not ideal. Fist quenching or quivering. Sadness comes up as they are saying something but their body is saying some thing else. Like they may not be realizing they just made a fist when they are talking about their parents. That’s important during communication to watch that with others.

Keven: What are your thoughts on ideas and what it can do like a seed? How do you try to leave the client?

Teri: Any minute in the session if we plant an idea or a seed I trust that it is just going to sit there. I usually don’t revisit it unless there is something really fruitful there. They may not be ready for it. The mind is a powerful thing and they will take it where they want it. We always want them to walk away and leave feeling comfortable. Feeling like they are O.K. That is important for anyone to do that even outside of therapy.

We need to make sure we are zipped up so we don’t immediately show the world where we are most vulnerable.

Keven: So what you are saying is, we have our normal lives, we do our normal things but yet when there are clients that go see a therapist it’s important for them to “zip up” and have some closure?

Teri: Yeah it’s important whether it’s in therapy or not. Like if you are having a fight with your significant other and then you have to “zip it up” to go get the kids from school, it’s the same thing. We have to learn how to not be in denial, not forget about it, but know that we can hold that somewhere and still keep doing life.

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Keven: Without there being closure to it?

Teri: Yeah! Right! Then come back to it. So it’s not sweeping it under the rug, it’s not saying “oh we forgot about that.” If that is happening then someone has to be the one that pulls this back out and says “Hey we need to get some closure here, lets talk.”

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 3 of 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about Social Platforms and Technology.

To contact me go to www.hosbusinesscenter.com and click the contact page

 To contact Teri Sorkin M.A. MFT for a trial session go to http://terisorkin.com

Your Love.

 

Often times in life we become severely imbalanced with our significant other. Whether that is in the relationship or the current professions, raising the children or having friends. Whatever the situation, know that it takes work to stay connected and not feel disjointed.

You both may not see it as this way and it may take some quiet conversation to combine your love together to make it work. Either way, understand if you don’t pay attention there will be a falling out cause and effect. I believe the same story can be told with almost all things in life. #ideatolaunchin366days

Moonshot Thinking

Moonshot Thinking with your life………. What is it that you want to do that you haven’t yet? Why haven’t you done it? Fear? Procrastination? No time? Don’t know where to start? ….don’t want to be wrong?..pick your poison…..I call it poison because each reason that prevents you from doing what you really want to do in life or what you must do in life…..is exactly that….poison…it kills your dreams and goals….it keeps you stagnant …..and mind trapped…….

I want you to face your fears….reach for your goals and create them…..this life and all its awesomeness……has very little care about your idea and what you want…..however I believe you can force it to listen…..you can force it to pay attention….and you can force it to….say….”Where the heck did this person come from?”

That to me is awesome and inspiring…

With one of our goals we have been executing a ton on this process of moonshot thinking…..at first it scared the crap out of us…but now that we are fully encompassed in it…….our goals keep getting bigger and bigger….and a big secret……we actually are achieving them…..it’s weird…..did you know when you set a goal….plan the attack, start taking steps toward the goal…..you actually get somewhere?

That’s called execution…..

Crazy right? We know…..we think it’s insane too! Here’s some food for thought…….you have a goal or dream of doing something in your lifetime that can change things, move something and assist a large amount of other people in this world…….today you have the opportunity to watch Netflix all day…..or……..start your moonshot………well……..which is it? ‪#‎youbetterbeliving‬ ‪#‎hosbusinesscenter‬ ‪#‎electrifytheyoung‬ ‪#‎ideatolaunchin366days‬ ‪#‎moonshot‬

Check us out at:

HOS Business Center for Women and Children Entrepreneurs

Keven Hempel To see what i’m about

True North Services Inc for business growth and operations

 

Heres a video below for some inspiration….

We have come to the end of 2015

 

So we’ve come to the end of another year but not the end of our time. Where have all the days of 2015 gone? We met some new great people, we lost some great friends and family members but none of them will ever be forgotten. We wake up every day to a whole new world of possibility and potential…we just have to reach within ourselves to act upon it.

It’s OK to dream big.

 

We loved, we laughed and we cried…some tears of joy, others tears of sorrow. All in all it was a good year. A healthy year, a year to reflect amongst the decades ahead, where there are shiny glimmers of hope and growth for our families and village.

Don’t be afraid to take risks.

We’re excited to venture on into 2016 and sometimes feel as if we are carrying the weight of 100-soldier army preparing us for battle with our futures wars. But we are strong…not because we stand-alone, but because we stand tall with the support and love of our village.

 

There are really no words to explain how much we love and care for those around us and we can’t even possibly attempt the process. The only thing we can say is THANK YOU. Thank you for being so awesome. Thank you for showing us how to live. Thank you for supporting our family through all of life’s events and Thank you for allowing us to be part of your family and village as well.

 

Cheers to 2015 and a huge bottoms up to 2016 and the amazing beautiful days ahead. We couldn’t ask for anything more than what we have right now.

Love The Hempels.

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Our little Malia

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🌹Sweet little Malia🌹You have been coming up in conversation a lot lately. There is something about you that is exciting. Not entirely sure if it’s your energy, beauty both inside and out, or if it’s your take on life. 💡You know from the beginning your mom and I knew we were in trouble 🤔as well as we didn’t have to worry about you.

We could feel it in the hospital room from the first scream.

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You had this charge that filled the room with “I’m here bitches.” Now what? Everyday you test the limits of life….screw that…every moment you test the limits. You seem to look at life like one big playground where children rule the world and adults just seem to be living in this alternative cosmic of reality. I’ll never forget the look 😳you gave a lady when you were a year old that was speaking to you in a baby’s voice…..you literally looked up like saying ” what is wrong with you lady? Why do you speak that way?” It was hilarious.

Malia, precious…stay you. Don’t let the world 🌎change who you are unless it’s for the better. There’s a lot of ridiculousness out there, there’s a lot of hate out there and there’s a lot of people who you will think are positive for you and will just be negatives…stay away from them. If for some reason I am not here to help make a decision for you or help decipher right from wrong, look deep within yourself as you have the ability already to autocorrect the situation. You were born with “it” so go do something to make it happen. love dad. #malmal #youbetterbeliving. #electrifytheyoung thanks Melinda Bartlett-Blante for taking the beautiful photos of Malia and capturing her in all her beauty!

To New Hire or Promote? The Great Divide

It’s that time again!  You are overloaded with work and the daily tasks of running your business are bogging you down. Just when you thought you had it all figured out you look down at your list and say, “Whom am I going to have run this work? When I look at my work force everybody in the company is busy with their own task. How am I going to get this done? I guess I’ll have to hire someone?”

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 Ah ha! Hiring! What fun! You start to think do I really want to write up a job position and post a “now hiring” ad to receive several resumes to sift through maybe get a couple ok candidates for the position, spend endless hours interviewing and maybe find someone able to do the job? No.

 Ah ha! I’ll ask my business professionals, friends, families and Social Media…What? That didn’t work either? Ok. Who can I bring up from within my organization? Oh, no one is prepared to step up because we never trained and prepared for this to happen. Darn, maybe I’ll just hire from outside?

 And the vicious cycle of hiring for your business starts all over again.

Does this sound like the conversation in your head? In the past it has in mine. Now the real question is how do you break the cycle? I believe training and the overused word “innovation”. Lets start with training.

 Over the years I have seen the best fit is the employee that moves up through the ranks in your company. They have spent years getting on the job training working under and/or for you the owner. That’s how you built your company so that is the best the employee to give a promotion to right? Well maybe.

 Before you promote this employee you first should look at what position they hold and who you will have to hire for that new spot, then look at if they have the right tools to handle the new position, after all they may be the best employee and next in line to promote but if there is no one trained in their position to take care of the front line that could give you an even bigger problem.

 Next I would look at if they even want the promotion, some don’t. Some are happy with where they’re at and don’t want the headache of working with the boss. (As much as you think you’re the best person to work with…you may not be.)

 Finally I would consider one of your employees below the “next in line”. What you ask? Hire someone who is below my “next in line employee?” Yes. If you’re really serious about building your company, you should consider all your employees. From the 15-year employee all the way down to the newest one.

After all they all have special skill sets that may benefit your company best at this particular time. You need to:

  1. Assess the position you are hiring for
  2. Interview all in the company that are interested
  3. Promote the one that best fits
  4. Then for everyone else create a clear and well defined career path

Don’t be afraid to let the other employees that didn’t get chosen know they are important to the company and though they didn’t get promoted today they are on a path to see a promotion in the future.

 Next up Innovation

 The business dictionary explains innovation as:

“In business, innovation often results when ideas are applied by the company in order to further satisfy the needs and expectations of the customers.”

 So what does this mean? When you are trying to get your tasks completed you need to look at the tasks and workload themselves. Are they necessary? Do you really need to hire someone? Is there another way to get it done? You see often times the tasks and jobs we have on our list seem important because we have them on the list to do.

So they must be important right? I wouldn’t ever do something that is not very important and try to pass it off to someone else to get it done… right? Wrong again my friends. We do it all the time. We all have things on the task list that we feel are super important to the company and customer when they really are not.

For this I say innovate first before hiring or promoting:

  1. Review your workload often and see if there are ways to cut down the list
  2. Get them done quicker
  3. Create ways to complete them on your own
  4. Then when you have cut it down as much as possible have all your employees review their tasks and workload and see if they can downsize or stream line.

 That may clear up enough time collectively to get it done. If not then you at least know exactly who you have to hire and/or promote, I’m willing to bet when you do this you will see that you were never really ready to hire in the first place. Now that you have reviewed the workload across the board, you are ready to find the new hire or promote the employee you actually need.

What I Learned By Playing Pictionary With Millennials

On Easter Sunday my family and I ventured out and went to a party at a friends house. A good time was held by all, there was great food, great drinks and some pretty awesome dessert. Our adventure could have stopped there but we decided to break out the board games. What a way to end a weekend right? Sitting around the table playing pictionary!

“Though the game was fierce and my team won, (which I was super excited about) I was very intrigued by the interaction of all the other team members.”

There was an age range of players from 7 years old to 50 something….while we were playing I was thinking to myself, “what else can you do in life that holds the attention of a 7 yr old, 18 yr, 27 yr old, 30 yr olds and a couple 40/50 something’s? Really? Nothing.

Usually when there are those types of ages together we are bickering about getting dressed, or going to work, or fighting over money/business and maybe for the twenty year olds the parents are nagging about what their kids are going to do with their life. Not this night though. This night was filled with laughter and amazing memories. When it wasn’t my turn I looked around the table and seen smiles on everyone’s face. The way life should be. I wish every Sunday could end with the tv off and a fun board game with family and friends.

“I woke up this morning with a list of things I learned while playing the game and thought I could share it with the world so here it is:”

  1. drawing stick figures crosses ageless boundries
  2. everyone wants to win
  3. don’t make directions to hard, if they are, nobody reads them, they just roll the dice and make up their own rules.
  4. real life problems should get solved with a quick rock, paper, scissors match….leave the hard decisions to chance.
  5. people 12 to 33 are on snapchat and are super burnt out by facebook…(so uncool)
  6.  laughter makes everything better.
  7. The younger ones have an awesome appetite for competition and a mean poker face
  8. 20 somethings want to start business’s but don’t know where to turn and think they have no options.
  9. my wife and I can still be cool when we are 50 because we have good mentors showing us how to have fun, even when it hurts to wake up the next morning.
  10. and last but not least there’s always time for family bonding.

ok so I decided, every Sunday for the next month I will make a great attempt to put together a family game night so we can make memories that our kids, my wife and I will cherish forever. Do you want to join in? Our door is always open!

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Time to conquer

There’s a huge world to conquer out there. Things to see, people to meet, places to take in. The cool part is you don’t have to be an adventurist to find adventure, you just have to be you. #beyou #besomebody #youbetterbeliving #malmal #luckylanie girls pay attention to your surroundings, change comes when you work hard yet it’s often times unexpected.