After Thoughts

“You can hand over your keys or your life. Make the right choice.” After Thoughts.

Back in 2000, I was the manager of my high school hockey team. It was the first year we had a team and I wanted to do anything I could to play my part and support. I managed the team with my friend, Jennifer Cheney. She was a loving, caring, funny charismatic girl with a smile that made you feel at home. The kind of girl that shined her light so bright when you spoke to her she made you feel like you were the only one around. The team would practice early every morning, so I would swing by her house and pick her up before school, then we would head over to practice. One day that all changed.

My dear friend Jen was in a horrific accident and was killed. It was the other driver who decided to drink and drive. He planned to get drunk that night. Actually, he planned to get wasted. I entirely believe he never once thought about the lives he would be putting at risk and about how many lives would be changed forever. Our community came out in droves of support for Jen. It rocked my life. Death is always around the corner yet it never gets easy. As a high school student navigating a life altering experience I became lost in the confusion of her death. I couldn’t understand how this could happen, even more so why? I made a pact with some friends and myself during this time period that I would never drink and drive. Thinking about it now 17 years later I am still affected by this loss. She left an impression on me that saved so many lives years later.

I never thought I would play a part in a film such as this. It’s a film created by some students of Livermore. It highlights drunk driver awareness and is now getting national attention. After Thoughts has been nominated for the All American High School Film Festival and will be showcased in Time Square later this year. With over 2000 submission from 50 states and over 40 countries, the film was selected for the Jostens category which is “teens taking a stand against societal issues.” I cannot express how proud I am of everyone who played a part in making the project happen. Last year I sat in a classroom and met the high school students who had the seedling of an idea and the fire of a pack of lions in their eyes.

It was impressive. They showed the stamina and dedication to changing the world and they have. This film continues to get picked up and watched, and now it will get showcased internationally, in turn saving the lives of millions, touching the lives of billions. As a creator and artist, we never know what piece or work is going to be the one that others notice. It can be painful sometimes putting our work out there not knowing what it’s going to do. We have our hopes, our dreams, our goals, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will happen. We never know how one of our creations will touch people until it does.

Some of us in life never get the opportunity to hear how much we play a part in others lives. Between work, raising kids, trying to feed mouths or worry about our bank accounts, we tend to lose track of time and how much others mean to us. Then one day someone comes to you and clearly says,

“You changed my life. I’m not sure words can ever explain how much you mean to me and how much I love who you are and what you do, you inspire me.”

The way I see it, we all live on this earth for such a short time, we fight, we claw and we strive for what we want in the future, but it’s appreciating what we have now that really matters.

To the team of After Thoughts: You have left an impression on me and have been an inspiration to all of us in this community and world. There is no telling exactly what this universe has in store for you going forward, however, you can hold your head high and with great confidence knowing that you created a film that is leaving a lasting impression on all who watch it and pay attention. Thank you for allowing me to play my part in this project and thank you for saving my girls and families life. Good luck in New York and what ever happens, keep going!

Check out the short film After Thoughts

#TeamAfterThoughts #DigitalLegacy #Besomebody

The Pressure Our Children Feel

When I was a kid I was told I was going to be gay. Why? Because I walked on my toes, had a stuttering issue and chose to be friends with the girls in my class (as opposed to boys.) I guess looking back now I’ve always had more of a connection with sensitivity and empathy as opposed to the masculinity boys/men are supposed to have. I grew up playing baseball and was in a band but could most of the time care less about sports.

In my twenties, I enjoyed watching the NFL and occasionally going to an MLB game not because I really cared about the sport but more so because of the experience. Over the past several years I haven’t actively watched sports games other than the big Super Bowl or World Series. To be honest I care more about the food and drinks and family than I do about the game. I used to wonder why I didn’t tend to connect well with the men in my life then I discovered myself at age 30 with two girls and a wife that didn’t need me to be a “MAN” they needed me to be their dad, father, husband. They needed me to a human that they could connect with, tell a story to, share a hug with, someone who could and would communicate love and caring for them. This to me is what it means to be not just a man but also a positive influence in their world.

This is what is missing in our children’s lives today, a connection; it’s not the only thing but a big part. The chance for them to connect and be who they want to be and express what they want to express, without negative criticism from others is important. Sometimes their ideas or feelings come out before they are entirely ready like an egg waiting to hatch and it takes others points of view to allow it to come into clarity. We as parents and community leaders should be there for that clarity. There is a difference however between constructive criticism and negativity.

When I was younger, I received my fair share of verbal abuse some of which I continue to battle with every day. Somewhere between the “gay” comments and the “are you stupid?” arose a burning desire to care for others, which I entirely appreciate. In life, it’s almost as if we learn more from others about what not to do as opposed to what we should do. Since I’m not a psychologist or therapist I have no clue on why we do what we do but based on our past experiences. When it comes to this subject I can only state what I went through. Because of this, we choose to raise our children with constructive words and lessons as best as possible. We are not perfect and do falter some days but we also know everyone does. That is the part about being human, forgiveness and loving others, as long as you continue to love and spread your light and inner genius the universe has a way of working itself out.

I met Ashanti last year and he is one impressive dude. If you have children or work with them take some time to watch this movie, it will give you some perspectives on students and children today. The Mask You Live In

Girls: We love you. Mom and dad. #DigitalLegacy

The Top 5 Things I Do Everyday To Stay Motivated

Since my purpose in life is to positively affect a billion people, while helping them achieve their goals. I am giving you my top 5 things I do everyday to stay motivated:

Number 1:

Remove the negative. That’s people, places and things. I hear it all the time, I am stuck in my day being around negative people, how do I get them to change their ways? Well first off you won’t ever be able to change them. You must change yourself and be positive. They will either see it for themselves or they will no longer be in your life. Period. That is just how it goes.

Don’t let others -negatives- drain you of your positive vibes.

Number 2:

I state what my purpose is several times a day out loud. Literally. Words are words unless stated out loud and written down. Once you put it out there, we begin to manifest our true intentions for being here. Calm your inner space to allow your purpose to find you.

Number 3:

I take a moment for myself everyday. Whether it’s meditation, listening to a song I have stuck in my head, or a place I want to go. I take a moment for myself without any distractions. I become fully focused and consumed by that one thing and I go at it full heartedly. Cellphone off, conversations away and just focus on that one thing. It’s funny while I do it, time stops and nothing else matters but that one thing for myself.

Number 4:

I have discussions with other people that are motivated. People from my inner circle, my digital family tree, who I know think similar to myself (but also very different) in the positive and motivating way. This is an important step to staying motivated to achieve your goals.

Last but not least….Number 5:

I constantly read and learn. Sometimes it’s a book a week, other times it’s a chapter a day. Whatever it is, I am always learning and growing my mindset to be prepared for when I reach the next level of my life.

That’s it. There are 5. There are other things I do everyday to keep me motivated but these are the top 5. If you would like to know more. Feel free to give me a call and we can chat more about setting a time for your official “Goal Call.” Which is a 28 minute phone call or video call to assist you in achieving your goals in life. Cheers and make it a great moment!

PS: If you’re looking to change your life right now…sign up here to receive access to an accountability coach for three months free. Literally it’s free for three months. No catch. Well I guess the only catch is when you do sign up, your life and thinking will change, so say goodbye to the old you.

P.S.S.

Want to find out more about what I have been up to check out the following links:

Keven Hempel

Idea To Launch In 366 Days

HOS Business Center

Now go make it happen…….

It’s Time For A Change.

Thank you for being part of this exciting new pilot that HOS is offering to invest in its members’ personal and professional development! We are teaming up with an innovative coaching company, Ama La Vida, to provide you with tools, resources and inspiration to be constantly improving yourself as a professional, entrepreneur and, well, person. The pilot will last 3 months – here’s how it works:
Click here to start your free 3 month trial. Just simply add the membership to your cart and check out. Don’t worry! You can cancel at any time, before or after the 3 months

Get started on improving yourself and your life! Each month Ama La Vida has a theme, and the eCoaching tools and resources support that theme. This month is all about the gift of gratitude. This November tool will help you understand gratitude’s impact on your happiness and well-being, and you will go through a process of identifying and expressing gratitude in your life.

Once you sign up for the membership, start the Gratitude Tool of the Month here (this can also be found at any time in your dashboard on the top right side of the screen once you log in)

You will be paired up with an accountability partner to keep you on track. Sometimes you know what’s good for you (like going to the gym), but you need someone to make sure you do it (like a gym buddy). You and your partner will keep each other accountable for making those changes in your life that you know are good for you.

Make it a great moment!

Why Do We Resist Therapy? Session 2 of 3

It’s been a wild week of work and play. As we speak looking at the 4th quarter of 2016 we are running almost around the clock at 7 days a week. Thanks for taking the time to catch up on our conversation….Enjoy!……….

Keven: When do you get time to educate yourself Teri?

Teri: Ha Ha…I wait until the kids are in school. I feel like with the kids, the weekend goes so fast then it’s Monday! I guess I am learning from others as well. I have time to read websites and article though.

 Keven: Do you use Facebook as a way to educate yourself?

Teri: Yeah. Sometimes. I can read an article or share it. Therapy is one of those services that we have to be entirely open to listening. I can come to the table with everything but that doesn’t mean the things I have will help my client. I sell a service of self-care and a non-judgmental ear to bounce off ideas, throw in opinions or researching about what they’re going through.

 Keven: Connecting the dots?

Teri: Yeah whatever those dots might be. Sometimes we are building what is happening as they are saying it and as we are going through it. We have to get into the elevator shaft with them and figure out how far they can go? Are we going to low with things? We never know really so we have to calibrate that as well. We have to be cautiously aware and always connect with the client and the client has to connect with us as well. You can generally tell if, you pay attention, if the person you are speaking to wants to go there.

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Keven: How much of your clients communication is non-verbal?

Teri: 50% of the room is nonverbal. That is why Skype is hard. I can’t see their body it’s not ideal. Fist quenching or quivering. Sadness comes up as they are saying something but their body is saying some thing else. Like they may not be realizing they just made a fist when they are talking about their parents. That’s important during communication to watch that with others.

Keven: What are your thoughts on ideas and what it can do like a seed? How do you try to leave the client?

Teri: Any minute in the session if we plant an idea or a seed I trust that it is just going to sit there. I usually don’t revisit it unless there is something really fruitful there. They may not be ready for it. The mind is a powerful thing and they will take it where they want it. We always want them to walk away and leave feeling comfortable. Feeling like they are O.K. That is important for anyone to do that even outside of therapy.

We need to make sure we are zipped up so we don’t immediately show the world where we are most vulnerable.

Keven: So what you are saying is, we have our normal lives, we do our normal things but yet when there are clients that go see a therapist it’s important for them to “zip up” and have some closure?

Teri: Yeah it’s important whether it’s in therapy or not. Like if you are having a fight with your significant other and then you have to “zip it up” to go get the kids from school, it’s the same thing. We have to learn how to not be in denial, not forget about it, but know that we can hold that somewhere and still keep doing life.

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Keven: Without there being closure to it?

Teri: Yeah! Right! Then come back to it. So it’s not sweeping it under the rug, it’s not saying “oh we forgot about that.” If that is happening then someone has to be the one that pulls this back out and says “Hey we need to get some closure here, lets talk.”

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 3 of 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about Social Platforms and Technology.

To contact me go to www.hosbusinesscenter.com and click the contact page

 To contact Teri Sorkin M.A. MFT for a trial session go to http://terisorkin.com

Your Love.

 

Often times in life we become severely imbalanced with our significant other. Whether that is in the relationship or the current professions, raising the children or having friends. Whatever the situation, know that it takes work to stay connected and not feel disjointed.

You both may not see it as this way and it may take some quiet conversation to combine your love together to make it work. Either way, understand if you don’t pay attention there will be a falling out cause and effect. I believe the same story can be told with almost all things in life. #ideatolaunchin366days

Sensing The Darkness

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As I wrote in my blog post earlier this week titled “I Am Not Going To Make Your Party As I Am Going Blind” I will have no vision for 48 hrs. At the same time I will also experience a social account takeover. My daughters will be Facebooking, Instagramming, Snapchatting, Storytelling and Tweeting events, photos and videos throughout the two days. Should be either interesting or super annoying. I will have absolutely no light entering my retinas for 48 hrs. I will essentially enter a “visual isolation.” I wonder what it will be like? Just take a minute and cover your eyes from allowing any light in. Listen to the sounds, feel your heart beat, wiggle your toes for one minute….now try for 48 hrs. It’s going to be a wild ride of emotions, submission and a fully immersive experience. Oh boy. Did I also tell you I will be going grape picking on Saturday morning? This may turn out to be a pretty funny show!

When I researched how many senses we have here is the best explanation I could find:

“The point of all this is that it is harder than it might first appear to put a definitive figure on the total number of senses that humans possess. At some point, it becomes just a bit arbitrary. So here’s my list of nine human senses, which may be a little longer, or shorter, than yours:”

Vision
Hearing
Smell
Taste
Touch
Balance
Temperature
Proprioception (body awareness)
Pain
This insert above was taken from a guest post from John M. Henshaw. Find the rest of his article here How Many Senses Do We Have?

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During my research on some sites I seen up to 20 senses being explained. For me the intention here is to get an understanding of what other senses will be heightened when I remove one of the strongest senses I have. Heck maybe I might even discover a sense I didn’t know I had. Then again after all this, maybe I just get 48 hrs to be messed with, rested on, driven around, and waited on. Who knows? It could be a long 48 Hours…

The count down begins…..

If you’d like to follow along with my adventure this weekend check out my site at Idea To Launch In 366 Days or find me on Facebook (keven hempel), Instagram (@kevenhempel3), Snapchat (outofmyhands) or Twitter (@kevenhempel)

One more thing: I am also a hobbyist life hacker. If you are interested in finding out ways to better navigate through this thing we call life, Download the #besomebody app and find me to book an experience to achieve your goals. 

Why Do We Resist Therapy?

Having Coffee at Espresso Rosetta chatting about life.
Having Coffee at Espresso Rosetta chatting about life.

Why do we resist therapy? Well… Some of us think we can figure it out on our own, when life gets tough and messy. We go to school for years and prepare ourselves for a job with math, science, history, art, and composition but rarely get the chance to prepare our minds for life. We look towards our parents, friends and family for guidance but never really listen to their input. So we tend to stay in our heads and listen to our inner voices that tell us things like “we are not good enough.” It compares us to others. Our inner voice can bring out all of our fears, which prevents us from moving forward.

My Story:

I saw a therapist a couple years ago because I was “stuck.” It was one of the best things I have ever done for my family and me. Seeing her allowed me to release the pressure in my head and get a better understanding of why I was “stuck.” It was all due to the love that I had for others which was preventing me from following my passion and living the life that I was being called to live. My therapist helped me release my fear and get a better understanding of whom I was. The following is part 1 of 3 and was pulled from a conversation that I recently had with a friend who is a local certified therapist named Teri Sorkin M.A., MFT. Her private practice located in Livermore Ca. is counseling for children, Teens, Individuals & Families. On the home page of her website it clearly state’s “Life Is A Journey!” and she is exactly right! In her words:

As a Therapist my job is to give clients a safe, empathetic, non-judgmental, and compassionate space to discuss concerns pertaining to relationships, work, yourself or just this crazy thing we call life.  Everyone deserves to uncover his or her ultimate potential and live a meaningful life.  Unfortunately, life can become busy, exhausting, confusing and at times even daunting.  Therapy allows you to carve out a small, but significant, amount of time to breathe, speak openly to an unbiased person, and work towards positive solutions.

While we cannot change the past, we can seek to better understand and resolve current challenges. Through observations, insight and techniques, I help bring awareness to behavior patterns or negative perceptions that most likely are holding you back from having the life you want to create. Enjoying the moments in life is a wonderful thing!” 

Enjoy the adventure into our conversation:

Session 1 of 3 The Talk:

Keven: Teri, why do you believe there is such a negative stigma about therapy?

Teri: I think there is a stigma because people associate therapy with “you’re crazy” I think media has an effect with it. People say “I go see a therapist or I go see a shrink”…that’s like the code word. A shrink technically is a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. So that is the difference from being prescribed and on medication and seeing a therapist. A therapist is a counselor; there are different types of counselors and therapist. Then there are psychologists who can do talk therapy and are generally more educated in research. They can do psychological testing and test for disorders and they are also doctors. Psychiatrist or only medication, alot of people get this confused. That I think is it. We need to do a better job educating what the differences are. The other end of the issue is that when people go in for a 50-minute therapy session they have some other concept that it is. They are just uncomfortable with the unknown.

 Keven: I have always looked at it as there is a speed bump in the way and when you go see a therapist they help remove the speed bump for us.

Teri: Yeah exactly “we are there to listen.” Clients come in with this stigma and they feel terrible about it, But once they spend some time they get comfortable and realize how productive it is.

Keven: So going in for one session can be a learning experience for them?

Teri: Yeah totally. Once most clients sit in the room, the majority of the clients realize what it is and then say, “I want to book again.” We are there to be non judgmental who are an open eared third party to work with them during their journey and discovery.

Keven: When is the best time for someone to seek a therapist?

Teri: I am pro therapy so I feel that anyone can go for any reason. It could be a really big problem with a really big speed bump, or it could be a fork in the road, or it could be life is just a little stressful. It could be becoming a new parent, becoming a newly wed; there are so many reasons for seeing a therapist. Something that everyone needs to know and question is; is life going smooth and I’ve got this? Or do I just need that little assistance on the side? Am I using alcohol as a crutch? Am I getting self-care at all? Do I feel like I’m drowning? Do I feel like I’m treading water? I think if anyone of those questions is being asked or the answers to those questions are of concern or unknown then they should see a therapist.

Keven: I have to be honest…I think everyone of us has something we can see a therapist about. I actually feel that we should be seeing therapist as often as we see a dentist…. no even more than we see a dentist. Like this should be a bi weekly or monthly thing. Can you imagine how awesome we would be if we did that? This is preventative maintenance.

Teri: Yeah it’s a check in for you. Just give yourself that one-hour to reboot your mind. One hour to think on your own out loud. It doesn’t have to be about depression, or anxiety or suicide. It can just be about, I can’t figure out this idea, or my kids are stressing me so much I feel like I’m a bad a parent.

I would say 99% of people who have a session would go “Whoa, that totally worked. Look what came out of me!”

I’m biased of therapy of course but I am confident that this would help. That question is usually what is asked during couples therapy. Couples ask when is a good time to see a therapist? The answer: when it is maintenance. It’s a date thing. A difficult time is when someone is already out the door. The best time is when they are seeing or feeling something is off or different. When you’re out the door it’s a lot harder to bring someone back in at that point.

Keven: Did you just suggest a date night with therapy, instead of going to the wine bar?

Teri: Yes I did. There are a lot of couples I know that do that.

Keven: How has therapy evolved and changed throughout the years to handle what some may see as new age issue?

Teri: There is constantly new research and therapy being developed. We find code words that continue to come up like mindfulness and such but one consistent thing is always a “therapeutic relationship” This goes way back. There is more research now on LGBT and such. However the therapeutic aspect has generally stayed the same. We are becoming more open minded about all types of people, things and processes. There is acceptance and commitment therapy, which is new, and some other misc. ones. The bases haven’t change but there are other ways to use them.

It’s most important to know that therapy only works if you are comfortable with whom you sit across from. If a client comes in and is not comfortable with me then it’s not going to work. If there are those that have gone to see a therapist and didn’t like the situation because of some disconnect then I want them to try someone different. Even if they are my clients if they don’t get along with me then I want them to find another therapist because it takes two to make this work.

It’s not about us, it’s about the client and making sure they feel right about the relationship we are building together.”

 To Be Continued……

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 2 and 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about education, social platforms, connecting the dots of life and self-confidence/self awareness with technology.

To contact me go to HOS Business Center and click the contact page or contact me at Idea To Launch In 366 Days to watch my Tedx Talk about Living a Digital Legacy!

 To contact Teri Sorkin M.A. MFT for a trial session click this link: 

Teri Sorkin MA., MFT.

I Am Not Going To Make Your Party As I Am Going Blind…

The work from Dr. Alvaro Pascual-Leone, MD, PHD has shown that the brain recruits other senses when one of them is taken away. So taking my vision away should heighten my others senses. (I am secretly hoping my hearing) but will be surprised at whichever one it is if none of them at all. It has been shown in as little as two days normal sighted volunteers began using more of their touch and sound. This is why I have chosen 48 hrs. Our free weekend!

Friday night I will fall asleep with my CPAP machine roaring, my meditation sounds in my ears and a fully blacked out mask on my eyes so not a singe light enters my retina. Then the fun begins. I suppose I will get a lot of help from my wife and kids and maybe even a stranger as I make my way around town (not behind the wheel of course) Costco, shopping, going for a walk, sitting and thinking. Whatever.

This year with the introduction of Idea To Launch In 366 Days it has taught me the type of world we live in, one that is caring and amazing on its own, which I would trade nothing for. Yet on the flip side we also live in a world that is highly negative. I have come to the understanding that empathy is linear mostly due to our inability to visualize it if it is not in front of our face. Empathy is found and can be felt in all areas of this world and in many different senses but is often times only acted upon when seen. We can feel empathy, we can hear empathy, we can taste empathy but we tend to block it out if we can’t see a reason for us to help or maybe we don’t know how we can help. Because of this I am choosing to go blind for 48 hrs to get a better understanding of how much our visual sense can take over our others and prevent us from doing the things we really want to do as humans in a fantastic moving, living, breathing society. My girls will be hijacking my social accounts this weekend to document our adventure so I apologize if they decide to over post on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat! Feel free to call me over the weekend to have a chat. I’d love to hear from you! See you on Monday!

We have come to the end of 2015

 

So we’ve come to the end of another year but not the end of our time. Where have all the days of 2015 gone? We met some new great people, we lost some great friends and family members but none of them will ever be forgotten. We wake up every day to a whole new world of possibility and potential…we just have to reach within ourselves to act upon it.

It’s OK to dream big.

 

We loved, we laughed and we cried…some tears of joy, others tears of sorrow. All in all it was a good year. A healthy year, a year to reflect amongst the decades ahead, where there are shiny glimmers of hope and growth for our families and village.

Don’t be afraid to take risks.

We’re excited to venture on into 2016 and sometimes feel as if we are carrying the weight of 100-soldier army preparing us for battle with our futures wars. But we are strong…not because we stand-alone, but because we stand tall with the support and love of our village.

 

There are really no words to explain how much we love and care for those around us and we can’t even possibly attempt the process. The only thing we can say is THANK YOU. Thank you for being so awesome. Thank you for showing us how to live. Thank you for supporting our family through all of life’s events and Thank you for allowing us to be part of your family and village as well.

 

Cheers to 2015 and a huge bottoms up to 2016 and the amazing beautiful days ahead. We couldn’t ask for anything more than what we have right now.

Love The Hempels.

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