Why Do We Resist Therapy? Session 2 of 3

It’s been a wild week of work and play. As we speak looking at the 4th quarter of 2016 we are running almost around the clock at 7 days a week. Thanks for taking the time to catch up on our conversation….Enjoy!……….

Keven: When do you get time to educate yourself Teri?

Teri: Ha Ha…I wait until the kids are in school. I feel like with the kids, the weekend goes so fast then it’s Monday! I guess I am learning from others as well. I have time to read websites and article though.

 Keven: Do you use Facebook as a way to educate yourself?

Teri: Yeah. Sometimes. I can read an article or share it. Therapy is one of those services that we have to be entirely open to listening. I can come to the table with everything but that doesn’t mean the things I have will help my client. I sell a service of self-care and a non-judgmental ear to bounce off ideas, throw in opinions or researching about what they’re going through.

 Keven: Connecting the dots?

Teri: Yeah whatever those dots might be. Sometimes we are building what is happening as they are saying it and as we are going through it. We have to get into the elevator shaft with them and figure out how far they can go? Are we going to low with things? We never know really so we have to calibrate that as well. We have to be cautiously aware and always connect with the client and the client has to connect with us as well. You can generally tell if, you pay attention, if the person you are speaking to wants to go there.

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Keven: How much of your clients communication is non-verbal?

Teri: 50% of the room is nonverbal. That is why Skype is hard. I can’t see their body it’s not ideal. Fist quenching or quivering. Sadness comes up as they are saying something but their body is saying some thing else. Like they may not be realizing they just made a fist when they are talking about their parents. That’s important during communication to watch that with others.

Keven: What are your thoughts on ideas and what it can do like a seed? How do you try to leave the client?

Teri: Any minute in the session if we plant an idea or a seed I trust that it is just going to sit there. I usually don’t revisit it unless there is something really fruitful there. They may not be ready for it. The mind is a powerful thing and they will take it where they want it. We always want them to walk away and leave feeling comfortable. Feeling like they are O.K. That is important for anyone to do that even outside of therapy.

We need to make sure we are zipped up so we don’t immediately show the world where we are most vulnerable.

Keven: So what you are saying is, we have our normal lives, we do our normal things but yet when there are clients that go see a therapist it’s important for them to “zip up” and have some closure?

Teri: Yeah it’s important whether it’s in therapy or not. Like if you are having a fight with your significant other and then you have to “zip it up” to go get the kids from school, it’s the same thing. We have to learn how to not be in denial, not forget about it, but know that we can hold that somewhere and still keep doing life.

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Keven: Without there being closure to it?

Teri: Yeah! Right! Then come back to it. So it’s not sweeping it under the rug, it’s not saying “oh we forgot about that.” If that is happening then someone has to be the one that pulls this back out and says “Hey we need to get some closure here, lets talk.”

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 3 of 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about Social Platforms and Technology.

To contact me go to www.hosbusinesscenter.com and click the contact page

 To contact Teri Sorkin M.A. MFT for a trial session go to http://terisorkin.com

Your Love.

 

Often times in life we become severely imbalanced with our significant other. Whether that is in the relationship or the current professions, raising the children or having friends. Whatever the situation, know that it takes work to stay connected and not feel disjointed.

You both may not see it as this way and it may take some quiet conversation to combine your love together to make it work. Either way, understand if you don’t pay attention there will be a falling out cause and effect. I believe the same story can be told with almost all things in life. #ideatolaunchin366days

Sensing The Darkness

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As I wrote in my blog post earlier this week titled “I Am Not Going To Make Your Party As I Am Going Blind” I will have no vision for 48 hrs. At the same time I will also experience a social account takeover. My daughters will be Facebooking, Instagramming, Snapchatting, Storytelling and Tweeting events, photos and videos throughout the two days. Should be either interesting or super annoying. I will have absolutely no light entering my retinas for 48 hrs. I will essentially enter a “visual isolation.” I wonder what it will be like? Just take a minute and cover your eyes from allowing any light in. Listen to the sounds, feel your heart beat, wiggle your toes for one minute….now try for 48 hrs. It’s going to be a wild ride of emotions, submission and a fully immersive experience. Oh boy. Did I also tell you I will be going grape picking on Saturday morning? This may turn out to be a pretty funny show!

When I researched how many senses we have here is the best explanation I could find:

“The point of all this is that it is harder than it might first appear to put a definitive figure on the total number of senses that humans possess. At some point, it becomes just a bit arbitrary. So here’s my list of nine human senses, which may be a little longer, or shorter, than yours:”

Vision
Hearing
Smell
Taste
Touch
Balance
Temperature
Proprioception (body awareness)
Pain
This insert above was taken from a guest post from John M. Henshaw. Find the rest of his article here How Many Senses Do We Have?

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During my research on some sites I seen up to 20 senses being explained. For me the intention here is to get an understanding of what other senses will be heightened when I remove one of the strongest senses I have. Heck maybe I might even discover a sense I didn’t know I had. Then again after all this, maybe I just get 48 hrs to be messed with, rested on, driven around, and waited on. Who knows? It could be a long 48 Hours…

The count down begins…..

If you’d like to follow along with my adventure this weekend check out my site at Idea To Launch In 366 Days or find me on Facebook (keven hempel), Instagram (@kevenhempel3), Snapchat (outofmyhands) or Twitter (@kevenhempel)

One more thing: I am also a hobbyist life hacker. If you are interested in finding out ways to better navigate through this thing we call life, Download the #besomebody app and find me to book an experience to achieve your goals. 

Why Do We Resist Therapy?

Having Coffee at Espresso Rosetta chatting about life.
Having Coffee at Espresso Rosetta chatting about life.

Why do we resist therapy? Well… Some of us think we can figure it out on our own, when life gets tough and messy. We go to school for years and prepare ourselves for a job with math, science, history, art, and composition but rarely get the chance to prepare our minds for life. We look towards our parents, friends and family for guidance but never really listen to their input. So we tend to stay in our heads and listen to our inner voices that tell us things like “we are not good enough.” It compares us to others. Our inner voice can bring out all of our fears, which prevents us from moving forward.

My Story:

I saw a therapist a couple years ago because I was “stuck.” It was one of the best things I have ever done for my family and me. Seeing her allowed me to release the pressure in my head and get a better understanding of why I was “stuck.” It was all due to the love that I had for others which was preventing me from following my passion and living the life that I was being called to live. My therapist helped me release my fear and get a better understanding of whom I was. The following is part 1 of 3 and was pulled from a conversation that I recently had with a friend who is a local certified therapist named Teri Sorkin M.A., MFT. Her private practice located in Livermore Ca. is counseling for children, Teens, Individuals & Families. On the home page of her website it clearly state’s “Life Is A Journey!” and she is exactly right! In her words:

As a Therapist my job is to give clients a safe, empathetic, non-judgmental, and compassionate space to discuss concerns pertaining to relationships, work, yourself or just this crazy thing we call life.  Everyone deserves to uncover his or her ultimate potential and live a meaningful life.  Unfortunately, life can become busy, exhausting, confusing and at times even daunting.  Therapy allows you to carve out a small, but significant, amount of time to breathe, speak openly to an unbiased person, and work towards positive solutions.

While we cannot change the past, we can seek to better understand and resolve current challenges. Through observations, insight and techniques, I help bring awareness to behavior patterns or negative perceptions that most likely are holding you back from having the life you want to create. Enjoying the moments in life is a wonderful thing!” 

Enjoy the adventure into our conversation:

Session 1 of 3 The Talk:

Keven: Teri, why do you believe there is such a negative stigma about therapy?

Teri: I think there is a stigma because people associate therapy with “you’re crazy” I think media has an effect with it. People say “I go see a therapist or I go see a shrink”…that’s like the code word. A shrink technically is a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. So that is the difference from being prescribed and on medication and seeing a therapist. A therapist is a counselor; there are different types of counselors and therapist. Then there are psychologists who can do talk therapy and are generally more educated in research. They can do psychological testing and test for disorders and they are also doctors. Psychiatrist or only medication, alot of people get this confused. That I think is it. We need to do a better job educating what the differences are. The other end of the issue is that when people go in for a 50-minute therapy session they have some other concept that it is. They are just uncomfortable with the unknown.

 Keven: I have always looked at it as there is a speed bump in the way and when you go see a therapist they help remove the speed bump for us.

Teri: Yeah exactly “we are there to listen.” Clients come in with this stigma and they feel terrible about it, But once they spend some time they get comfortable and realize how productive it is.

Keven: So going in for one session can be a learning experience for them?

Teri: Yeah totally. Once most clients sit in the room, the majority of the clients realize what it is and then say, “I want to book again.” We are there to be non judgmental who are an open eared third party to work with them during their journey and discovery.

Keven: When is the best time for someone to seek a therapist?

Teri: I am pro therapy so I feel that anyone can go for any reason. It could be a really big problem with a really big speed bump, or it could be a fork in the road, or it could be life is just a little stressful. It could be becoming a new parent, becoming a newly wed; there are so many reasons for seeing a therapist. Something that everyone needs to know and question is; is life going smooth and I’ve got this? Or do I just need that little assistance on the side? Am I using alcohol as a crutch? Am I getting self-care at all? Do I feel like I’m drowning? Do I feel like I’m treading water? I think if anyone of those questions is being asked or the answers to those questions are of concern or unknown then they should see a therapist.

Keven: I have to be honest…I think everyone of us has something we can see a therapist about. I actually feel that we should be seeing therapist as often as we see a dentist…. no even more than we see a dentist. Like this should be a bi weekly or monthly thing. Can you imagine how awesome we would be if we did that? This is preventative maintenance.

Teri: Yeah it’s a check in for you. Just give yourself that one-hour to reboot your mind. One hour to think on your own out loud. It doesn’t have to be about depression, or anxiety or suicide. It can just be about, I can’t figure out this idea, or my kids are stressing me so much I feel like I’m a bad a parent.

I would say 99% of people who have a session would go “Whoa, that totally worked. Look what came out of me!”

I’m biased of therapy of course but I am confident that this would help. That question is usually what is asked during couples therapy. Couples ask when is a good time to see a therapist? The answer: when it is maintenance. It’s a date thing. A difficult time is when someone is already out the door. The best time is when they are seeing or feeling something is off or different. When you’re out the door it’s a lot harder to bring someone back in at that point.

Keven: Did you just suggest a date night with therapy, instead of going to the wine bar?

Teri: Yes I did. There are a lot of couples I know that do that.

Keven: How has therapy evolved and changed throughout the years to handle what some may see as new age issue?

Teri: There is constantly new research and therapy being developed. We find code words that continue to come up like mindfulness and such but one consistent thing is always a “therapeutic relationship” This goes way back. There is more research now on LGBT and such. However the therapeutic aspect has generally stayed the same. We are becoming more open minded about all types of people, things and processes. There is acceptance and commitment therapy, which is new, and some other misc. ones. The bases haven’t change but there are other ways to use them.

It’s most important to know that therapy only works if you are comfortable with whom you sit across from. If a client comes in and is not comfortable with me then it’s not going to work. If there are those that have gone to see a therapist and didn’t like the situation because of some disconnect then I want them to try someone different. Even if they are my clients if they don’t get along with me then I want them to find another therapist because it takes two to make this work.

It’s not about us, it’s about the client and making sure they feel right about the relationship we are building together.”

 To Be Continued……

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you found it fruitful. Stay Tuned for Sessions 2 and 3 in the coming weeks, where we get into the discussion about education, social platforms, connecting the dots of life and self-confidence/self awareness with technology.

To contact me go to HOS Business Center and click the contact page or contact me at Idea To Launch In 366 Days to watch my Tedx Talk about Living a Digital Legacy!

 To contact Teri Sorkin M.A. MFT for a trial session click this link: 

Teri Sorkin MA., MFT.

Time Is Money

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After waiting a little too long earlier in the day at my normal haircut spot I left with no hard feelings. As we were getting in the car my daughter asked me why we were leaving with out my haircut? I thought to myself for a second “I could make up a story or just tell her the truth, so I told her the truth. “Well sweetheart, we waited a little too long and even though daddy needs a cut, time is money so we have to go.”

Fast forward to later in the evening after a glass of Cab (maybe two) with dinner I sat down and scratched my head realizing “I still needed a haircut.” What to do? Then the flash of brilliance entered my mind…why don’t I go to the new Livermore Barber Shop where they say “Mens Grooming Perfected.” So I looked up the website on Facebook and within minutes I had an appointment the next day to get my haircut. Keeping the hawk of course! I arrived at 11:45 am and walked right in to be treated with the light sound of reggae fresh sounds of shavers and a big HELLO!

“Hey man welcome, you have an appointment?”
“Yeah it’s Keven for 11:45.”
“Cool you’re with Jay come over here and take a seat!”
“I’m Jay. Nice to meet you!”
And the experience began……

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From the moment we walked in the door it was awesome. The energy felt good, the seats felts good, the conversation was great, the warm towel laid on my face was legit and one of the best parts? There is complimentary beer from Altamont Beer Works of course. The perfect match. It’s been discussed for years by men all over the country and yet no one has done it in Livermore. Well my friends it was time. To merge beer and haircuts with the experience all in one. SMART. The cost for the cut was good, as these guys and one gal are “barbers.” And they are happy to explain the difference. We had some conversation about old school and keeping it real and fresh.

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The shop is small so the owner Mr. Fahnhorst who mans the register was able to converse with us all at the same time. It reminded me of when I was around 5 years old and I used to go with my grandpa to the barber shop in Union City CA where the guys smoked cigarettes and cigars and the barbers were OG’s who loved their job. This was it. They figured out the experience and brought it to Livermore. If you haven’t tried it, do it. If you have I would love to hear your experience as well! To the team at the Livermore Barber Shop: Great job! Keep doing what you do. Success is in how you treat your clientele with the experience that you give them and you my friends are doing it right!

Check out this video of the inside of the shop! Instagram Video Of The Shop

I Am Not Going To Make Your Party As I Am Going Blind…

The work from Dr. Alvaro Pascual-Leone, MD, PHD has shown that the brain recruits other senses when one of them is taken away. So taking my vision away should heighten my others senses. (I am secretly hoping my hearing) but will be surprised at whichever one it is if none of them at all. It has been shown in as little as two days normal sighted volunteers began using more of their touch and sound. This is why I have chosen 48 hrs. Our free weekend!

Friday night I will fall asleep with my CPAP machine roaring, my meditation sounds in my ears and a fully blacked out mask on my eyes so not a singe light enters my retina. Then the fun begins. I suppose I will get a lot of help from my wife and kids and maybe even a stranger as I make my way around town (not behind the wheel of course) Costco, shopping, going for a walk, sitting and thinking. Whatever.

This year with the introduction of Idea To Launch In 366 Days it has taught me the type of world we live in, one that is caring and amazing on its own, which I would trade nothing for. Yet on the flip side we also live in a world that is highly negative. I have come to the understanding that empathy is linear mostly due to our inability to visualize it if it is not in front of our face. Empathy is found and can be felt in all areas of this world and in many different senses but is often times only acted upon when seen. We can feel empathy, we can hear empathy, we can taste empathy but we tend to block it out if we can’t see a reason for us to help or maybe we don’t know how we can help. Because of this I am choosing to go blind for 48 hrs to get a better understanding of how much our visual sense can take over our others and prevent us from doing the things we really want to do as humans in a fantastic moving, living, breathing society. My girls will be hijacking my social accounts this weekend to document our adventure so I apologize if they decide to over post on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat! Feel free to call me over the weekend to have a chat. I’d love to hear from you! See you on Monday!